Saturday, May 15, 2010

D Day Minus 219 (August 1, 2009)

I called you in Sterling when I found good service between Bassett and Roanoke.

"What's up?" You said like you had places to go, people to see, and things to do.

"On my way to Morgan's for our spa day.  An early birthday present." I said, eyeing the empty McDonald's bag that fell from the passenger seat to the floor when I stopped for the light.  Something that would never happen in your car with your no food or drink policy. 

"That's good." You said. Actually it was more than good, and you knew it.  It was more like unbelievable for Morgan to even consider getting a massage and body wrap. She was clinically depressed throughout high school and resorted to cutting just to feel. After the hell of high school, Morgan got better. But, she was self-conscious about her cutting scars and weight. Last December, during your off-weeks for chemo, you'd call me from Roanoke to tell me she wasn't taking care of herself and had been gaining weight. I knew her weight was her symptom of your cancer.

I'd long since given up trying to control the uncontrollable with actions - but I never stopped imagining what it would be like if things were different. Every night before I went to sleep last Winter, I would imagine you telling me you were cancer free and Morgan telling me she felt healthy and loved to exercise.

I hung up the phone and felt a surge of hope in my heart.  My wildest dreams had come true.  Earlier that week, Morgan told me she felt healthy and loved to exercise.  Last April, you told me you were cancer free. 

I believe in zebras. I do. 

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