Wednesday, January 26, 2011

D Day Plus 324: (January 26, 2011): Epilogue: Time and Appreciation – Here and There

Seventeen thousand and eight hundred and ninety seven days ago, part of me left you there. Three hundred and twenty four days ago, part of you left me here.  Today is my birthday.  I’m forty-nine—at least in reality years.  I’m not sure what that is in eternity years—probably a blip in time.   What do you think?

I can’t see everything like you now.  I’m not all omniscient.  How could I be? I’m not all put together like you are. You’re all there. Part of me is here and part of me is there. Talk about feeling scattered. Don’t you like my silly humor? Hey, at least I still have a sense of humor. By the way, will you let Hannah know I’d like better lenses so I can see what you two are doing up there? I AM AN ENQUIRING MIND.  I’ll cool it with the paparazzi. You won’t even know I’m looking.  Promise! I won’t sell the photos. Or even Photoshop them.
I do know you’re there, but sometimes it’s hard to find you from here.  That’s all I’m saying. Could you leave me a clue? I like scavenger hunts.  On second thought, you have left clues.  So I want to know:
  •  Did you wake me in the middle of the night to go check on Katie about a week after you went there?  I think you did. You woke me from a sound sleep to make sure your Katie was okay. I was dead-tired (no pun intended), but forced myself to go all the way up the stairs in Bassett, knock on her door, invade her privacy, and ask if she was okay.  There she was in bed. Awake and wanting something from you. How did you do that? I want to know.
  • Did you have anything to do with our Glo (who you met in Hawaii when you were three) coming all the way from Washington for your celebration? And staying at the same hotel as our dinner afterward?  I think so. You knew I needed my Glo after all these years.  You brought us back together after fifteen years. How did you do that? I want to know.
  • Did you send the butterfly to come visit on the patio last summer? I think so. It stayed for a couple of hours. Were you letting Dad and me know you were okay? How did you do that? I want to know.
Would you mind making it just a little easier to decipher the clues? Could you please make one exception for me? Come on, I brought you into this world.  Pretty please! Okay. I’ll stop haranguing you—for a minute.

So what did you think of the blog and your story?  I can take it. Wait. Never mind. Lie as long as you let me know it made you feel better. All lies aren’t bad.  Really, they’re not. Dad lies when he tells me I’m beautiful when I’m sick and crusty looking. I lied when I said I wasn’t drinking contraband. Remember?

Do you know who else lies? They do— whoever “they” are.  They say that time heals all wounds.  But it doesn’t. Appreciation does. 

Do you want to know why?  I'll tell you. If I focus on time, anniversaries, the "should haves" and "would haves," then my heart sinks because I'm missing you. Time drags and so do I. So, I'm guessing you don't like to hang out at Fifth and Sad. Right? Neither do I.
Now, I make it a point to find a way to appreciate everything.  Like— get this. Earlier this month, I was on hold with tech support to get the licensing fixed for my new embroidery software.  I waited and waited and waited.  No one came on the line for almost a half an hour.  I got so mad, I figured it out.  Now I appreciate that I got so mad because I figured it out for myself, felt empowered, and became a better problem solver. I was proud of myself for turning a negative into a positive. And my heart sang. Yes, it's something trivial.  It's the little things that count. Big time.
What does all this appreciation mean? It means that appreciation can change worlds —here and there.  At least that is what I'm thinking.  Since last year was kind of a downer as I figured things out, I decided to make 2011, my year of appreciation. 
I launched my own Mission Appreciation to let every person who has touched me know that I appreciate them. Remember all my hats.  That's part of it. I'm starting with them. The idea is to remind each recipient how much they are appreciated when they wear them.   On FaceBook, I'm posting something that I appreciate each day. Not the big things.  The small things.  Each day, I find at least one thing to appreciate. It's not that I'm so nice. I'm actually very selfish. I want to to feel good. Because the better I feel, then I can find you. So, I'll keep appreciating. And appreciating. And appreciating. From here to there
There's nothing else to say, except Aloha. 


1 comment:

  1. I think for every story that we tell that shares the heartbreak we should balance it with positive news as well. I wanted to share this news about a potent anti-tumor gene introduced into mice with metastatic melanoma has resulted in permanent immune reconfiguration and produced a complete remission of their cancer.

    Thank you for sharing. Your bravery really touches me.