Wednesday, June 9, 2010

D Day Minus 213 (August 7, 2009)

I picked up your favorite breakfast from McDonalds - an Egg McMuffin, two hash browns, and an OJ. You threw it up after three bites of your Egg McMuffin.

"Jeez, Greg you could have just said you were full." I teased when you sat back down at the kitchen table. You smiled a little, mostly for my benefit. You saw the chink in my armor shroud with humor. I saw the familiar chemo mask that tinged your face with a dull green and gray cast.

Morgan lurked near the sink cleaning a Granny Smith apple for breakfast. Dad sat at his usual place at the kitchen table catching up on his never ending backlog of work email. He glanced up and said, "You OK, Turkey Man?" You nodded, then put your head back down on the table.

I asked, "Would magnesium help?" You lifted your head long enough to shoot me the look of death and said, "No, it makes is worse. A lot worse." I silently did Hooponopono while I finished getting ready for work, "I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you."

I almost tripped over your zebra bag that was next to mine by the banister because I was Hoopononoing so much. You told me not to take your bag, which was kind of a stupid thing to say. Yours was packed with healthy snacks like almonds and Nutragrain bars and Pride and Prejudice, mine was brimming with four twenty-four ounce Diet Mountain Dews, a couple of packs Dentyne, and a notebook.

I worried about you losing weight from chemo, but knew better than to mention lunch plans or any food for that matter to you. So,I pulled Morgan aside in the foyer and slipped her a twenty to buy whatever you wanted for lunch. She had the last chemo duty watch for this round. I really really wanted to go, but didn't want to be too greedy. Morgan hugged me and said, "I'll take good care of Greg."

"Promise." I whispered in Morgan's ear. Then I kept reminding myself to breathe in and out for the rest of the day.

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